The Many Chapters of Men

No. This is not a man. Not yet anyway. You have to read this whole dang post in order to get to the part about this lil white pup!!!

It is 64 degrees and yaaaawn clear. That yawn was NOT for the hour, I refuse to be an old person already tucked in. Actually, the older I get the less I seem to sleep which is, no doubt, a well researched and easily googled fact. Oh well. La-dee-dah as some famous person once said. So. Ahem. Throat clearing noise. I guess you might think that I get this way when I have had too much caffeine. Sometimes that is true, but sometimes I simply CANNOT WAIT to come home and DOWNLOAD my brain. Especially when that sometime is THIS TIME, a time when I am sitting here with puppy bites on my hands, aching muscles and a heart full of history and close encounters. You had better sit down. Here's what happened. So there I was, morning AGAIN, and yes I am incredibly glad to wake up every morning, I really, really am--but this morning I refused to get caught up in the usual oh my goodness, not enough this, not enough that, RING YOU CRAZY PHONE!!, nothing but junk cyber in all of my usual places and even though some fabulous poet says that an AMAZING BEING might knock at my door at any moment--well, I was not and am not holding my breath so there was nothing for it but to haul my bike down the back stairs, squeeze through the tiny Copenhagen blue gate that I WIRED in place with copper wire, because FOR GAWDS SAKE, enough numbskull boyfriends to shake a stick at and even a couple of live-ins and SIXTEEN YEARS of living here WITH DOGS and NO ONE managed to build a damn gate. You know how much I would have loved to use another adjective right there but I held back, because I get so damn DAMN tired of doing everything myself and EVERYONE knows I am not a carpenter, ok, so I biked-uh oh-wee break here while I find out an accurate mileage instead of putting in some exaggerated 100 miles. One moment. OK!! HOLY TOLEDO! I biked a grand total of twenty miles today!! My first man encounter is with an old friend as I pass by the soccer fields, sad to say, he is just a bundle of unhappiness and still near and present drug addiction slash rehab danger and oh what a road that is to travel! So much for love and affection. Whew. Gone. Peddling on brings me close to the sea and the wonderful breezes and visions of the young and lithe and lively vollyballing back and forth on the sand. So pretty. All of it. The sea birds swooping overhead. Montecito gleaming on the hillside. SUVs the size of buildings flashing within inches of my slow biking flesh and blood self. You know, side topic here--those monstrous SUVs? They should be BANNED. And while we are on the subject--for gawds sake-why are people still using leaf blowers and why are people still on their cell phones while driving!!!? OH GOOD GAWD, I hope they start passing out tickets to Mars because I sure am going to be in the very front of that line! All right. Back to my men chapters. Now, the two I meet in front of the world's cutest seaside liquor store are very eager to trade biking stories with me, even though I wear ONLY my beloved button fly black Levis, yes even when I bike, and they are all bedecked in their lycra AND they have snap in shoes AND bikes so light you can lift them with one hand. They are bonafide bikers. So why oh why did they want to talk to me I wonder? But they talk. And talk. And tell me of riding to San Francisco, quitting their jobs to get the weed out of their systems, raising stepchildren, staying positive in a depressed and depressing country and we trade living in Chicago stories just like old friends. They tell me their names, tell me I look "really young for my age", and ride off with final waves and hope to see you again someday. They were friendly and awesome and cute in a funny sort of manly way and I did enjoy the time we spent and as I sit there eating my CORRECT kind of yummy bar thanks to a RECENT TIP from one of the worlds most forthright bloggers-a DARK CHOCOLATE CHERRY--Kind bar, oh so good!! VARRRRRROOOOM!!! Man chapter #3 pulls into the stall at my feet, because of course I have to be all nestled on the curb there, and he is an old acquaintance as well, and he proceeds to fill me in on how well he is doing and his motorcycle is very, very big and beautiful and he is working for a billionaire now and so he has to tell me all about that man AND the oh so important difference between millionaires and billionaires and it is so profound and stupid I already forgot it and just listening to him tell me about that wealthy, wealthy man and his gorgeous girlfriend who is also worth so, so much money, I feel that small dragon of money lust wake up within me, just a little, and start to purr in the direction of --ahhhhh!!! MONEY!!! Breaking Bad amounts of money!! UMMMM, what I could do with that money? his money? and I almost ALMOST think about kiddingly asking my friend to ask his boss if he would buy all of my FUCKING TAXMICE--sorry!!! I don't know where that came from--but I swallow the rest of my Kind bar, dust off my Levi's and ride away from that acquaintance of mine. Someday I want to get to a place where money is completely and totally inconsequential to me. I am close. I no longer think about it, add up my vast fortune every half hour, envy people with it, plot to get it, plan to get it, pray to get it, beg atm machines to explode as I walk past, work three jobs to make it--ahhh. Please let me be done with the curse of the love of the lust of acquiring the benjamins. So OK. The absolute LAST and BEST man chapter of all. The man I was riding so far to see is one of the very few on our planet who can be described as a true Renaissance man. You know, another side topic here--damn it!! This is why I was NOT a decent English teacher!!! I have a sneaky suspicion that I should have said THAT can be described, but damn it again--WHO sounds better!!! OK. I'm leaving it--but YES--honestly, he is a true Renaissance man. Looking great and smelling even better, he is gracious and kind as I get there. Unbelievably still, he is always ready to say something which keeps me holding on to my match can of ideas and dreams. He believes in me and tries to figure out a way for me to be successful and live a little more in ease. I think you could probably ride a bike for a month of Sundays and add many, many more man chapters to my never ending story before you could ever meet a man like my friend. He brings us mirage landscapes from the literary jungle and I imagine him, hour by hour, slicing the tissue and leaves and reconfiguring wee bits and pieces to reflect colors and patterns which appear as something they can never be. On the wall of the perfect little beachside store, they look like tiny windows into peace and solitude and calm. I sit in an uncomfortable but beautiful overstuffed chair and watch the tropical bird brightness of his guests hug and flutter around him and listen to their compliments and kind words and GEEZ LOUISE I hope my friend knows just how much he is respected, loved, and appreciated for his oh so many accomplishments in our community and probably even the entire galaxy itself. As I peddle home, I think about my friend. How I would not ride 20 DANG miles for anyone else. How grateful I am for his kindness and patience with my less than stellar personality. How lovely it was to rest my eyes on his new show. How fortunate I am that he is in my life. The sun is setting a bit now and man chapters are a ho hum part of my life, but this man who is my friend is someone true and special-an artist who deals in the landscape of books and letters, a writer who handles the writing of many, an intellectual great thinker who never hands out the condescension card-generous, lively, and terrific company. Oh yeah. and I told you that he smells really good. He does! I am closing this book right now, but not before I tell you about puppy sitting a little white dog!! YES!! Immediately after I rode all those miles home!! Here she is!! How could I resist? Now go buy my friend's art! And don't forget to go to Muddy Waters and buy THE GREATEST ARTIST IN THE WORLDS art!! And especially that fox for me!!! LOVE ALWAYS!!!