One Quick Breath

I know. This really is my back but I never see it. It was my own private Idaho therapy when I was a teacher in Oxnard.

63 degrees and dark. so dark. and a harvest moon hanging over it all. I have been thinking A LOT today about attitude and how crazy I go over many, many things in our little high priced beach town and I begin the morning all dreamy like usual and WHAM!! Into the theatre specific madness called 12 hour tech days. Two of them, a day apart and 12 hour tech days are wonderful little human being experiments in cooperation, patience, COOPERATION and PATIENCE and I really, really mean that--as lights are clicked in and readjusted a brazillion times and sound cues are built and tested and rebuilt and retested times a brazillion--costumes tweaked every which way imaginable, and with ALL OF THAT are the dear actors themselves--staggering out a couple of lines and then "hold please!!" times a brazillion and I am thinking that the MAGIC in all of this is US. How we work together, create together, and believe in what we are doing SO MUCH that VOILA!!! Opening night, a successful run, closing, and then? We get to move on if we are so lucky and so chosen. Ahhhh. The life of live theatre really and truly is a life. And much of my time for the past three days has been spent in recovering from my OUCH oral surgery, and I decided to put aside a TRUCKLOAD of angst as to "What should I be doing with my life? And what is my true passion? And how can I save the planet? And how can I have a meaningful life?" and just do SIMPLY and wholeheartedly what is in front of me. And I have to must and simply am gonna say that technique, attitude change, or WHATEVER worked beautifully.  Plenty of things to do came my way: mend many costumes, laundry, finding a million little thises and thats, being nice, being patient, being supportive, being kind, eating the leftover cake, and skedaddling home to write to you!! Yeah. I like this new attitude. One more major shift WHICH I ADORE!!! is absolutely no fucking way whatsoever comparing myself to ANYONE. Done. I'm through. A very specific kind of horse blinders are going on this old horse and even though you might not be able to teach an old dog new tricks, I am living proof that you can teach an old horse a new way of seeing. And that is EXACETALLY as Alice would say, how I am playing the game forever and even longer from now on and always!! Tomorrow is DAY THIRTY!!! Look at that!! I really do have discipline! I set a goal and tomorrow I will achieve it!! That makes me so happy I KNOW I will have sweet dreams and with all my heart, I hope you do too. Love always!!