dearest readers, in the midst of madness, how sweet a shelter, how warm the retreat. as my brain explodes with the maddening rush of post after post layered like so much layers of onion . . . black, white, blame, destruction, the deaths of innocents, bomb blasts to rival the insanity of the movie Brazil, talking heads crying every imaginable bit of nonsense louder than we can ever unhear, live threats, the sheer lunacy of gun counts higher than ever imagined, nerves on edge, churches filled with the masses praying for victims almost forgotten by the tweeting population, and the whirlwind of despair and heartbreak threatening to blow us away to some far distant shadowland of no return-secretly, sincerely, and with all my heart, i think it all comes down to this: a place of comfort and warmth and love. a spot nested with beings and books and things that bring hope and solace when the landscape outside is one of uncertainty, when the cyberscape is like feelings on crack, when control is realized as illusion, and power as a toy of great potential danger. our hearts are bleeding for the dead EVERY FUCKING WHERE. please oh please no more posts of caring about one horrible, unspeakable tragedy more than another. we all care. we are all heartbbroken. HEART BROKEN as to how, just tell me the fuck how, we can help to STOP all of the killing and war. i want peace more than anything in this life FOR FUCKING EVERYONE. we want peace. i know so many who just want peace to prevail so that we can take better care of each other, our beloved fellow creatures, our beautiful, precious, ONLY planet. so that EVERY SINGLE person and animal can feel like i do right at this moment. to echo my beloved son-in-love who wrote with such beauty about the life he is making with my beloved daughter muse: YES. my beloved readers-you-have suffered through "Scout" and my blog and my FB rants and i know you know that i am no stranger to loss and pain, as most of us are, and you also know that it has taken me a fucking lifetime to learn how to warm to myself-but today, with rain falling right outside of that big window in my photograph, and the smell from the grateful dusty lot absolutely unbelievable, with stacks and stacks of books around and above me-yes i am well aware that when the big one comes i will be crushed, but death by books would probably be my number one choice anyway, and tank girl akira and "the crossing" by my daughter on the wall and my beautiful, beautiful children right next to me-see them? all grown up and walking the world themselves?, and my little hardworking computer with sancho permanently on the screen, and oh yes-two of my pack just waiting for a bed day. my lucky dog and lil bro with his favorite bone, non-vegan, i am sorry cow, all rolled up with french perfum and plenty of cookie crumbs and dog hair oh the sweaters i could knit and fox and sanchos pictures in front of yet another stack of books-even though i will NEVER understand the inevitability-wonderful but still challenging-of the only people on the planet i truly truly love not being with me everyday-EXCEPT for that reality, i have found a moment, a small and bohemian, solidly always a gypsy, i have found AND made this moment this place in time for me, and EVEN IF a horrible event takes me from the ones i love, i will die with this place of great beauty and peace in my life knowing that i was lucky enough to have found it, made it, and embraced it. and because i have found this and know it? i wish it for anyone that struggles through my writing. i wish and hope that you have a place of solace and comfort and love and warmth and beauty for yourself, for all those you love. no matter what the form, design, shape or substance. a sanctuary. a messy nest like mine. because in truth i feel we are fragile and afraid sometimes, such delicate puffs of air in our soft as a jellyfish skin. we are brilliant and flawed, kind and cruel, driven and lazy. our lives a brief flash in the cosmic star scape and i believe we are free to find and make our own truths, create and share our paths of beauty and kindness and generosity, and make difficult, challenging choices with all the love and tenderness and compassion we can find. please oh please let us create peace together. let us feed the hungry, house the street people, cherish the wise ones, tend our gardens, and be kind shepherds to our animal companions. i could let go, if tragedy found me now, but until i burst into flames on that pyre-i will spend all my remaining moments working for peace and love and comfort for everyone. from the mother of dogs, on this day of the deepest sorrow in so many places, rain gently falling, buried deeply in my blankets, i send you love and comfort with all my heart. the jabberwocky has spoken! and LOVE ALWAYS!!! VIVA LA VIDA!!!
