Validation and Unending Grief

When I reread my post from this morning I wonder what exactly happened to cause such a crash and burn 12 hours later? Sorted costumes. Repacked a fabulous show with good memories. Made a pot of English Breakfast tea and mixed it with fresh lemonade and sat on my back deck with the little dogs and rested a bit from a job well done. Worked on my ongoing project from this morning. Did some laundry. Watched some good bad reality cooking shows because, well . . . they are better than cooking.  I went to walk my pack and I guess it was right there, on your favorite block that it hit me hard and deep once again.  I honestly think that I might have to move when D moves up to San Francisco.  I definitely love love LOVE the warm and gentle beauty of Santa Barbara gawd knows I do, but there is something so lonely on the block where I live now.  My house is the sole bastion of residence almost. I am flying solo and even though I have never lived alone UNTIL NOW, when everyone leaves downtown it is so completely deserted except for drunks who stagger past when the bars close.  I feel frozen in time somehow and I know eating a cupcake will help.  Getting back to my great book will help.  Not so long after Sancho died a man said to me: "What is up with you? Did you think he would live forever?" Yeah. On nights like this one  I miss you so and I thought you would always be by my side. FOR REAL.

SANCHO