"fade to white", but this frame has for sure.
Ah. Today is and must be a tremendous mashup of mega proportions. Why? I will tell you why . . . because yellow wall paper style-in a good way!!!!-I am, to copycat my favorite anti-depression robot man-attempting to FORGE MEANING and build BUILD IDENTITY in this oh so swiftly moving and fast escaping helium filled ballon glistening rainbow gobsmack of a brilliant jewel of a planet sailing through galaxies unknown. Ebola count? Staggering to go back to March when numbers were low and it seemed barely an evil whisper among those who knew. Those on the front lines as we love to say. Fast forward to NOW when the debate is flying as to how best to help? Oh my goodness, I remember when I had two sticks as legs and hair that stuck pretty much straight out thanks to an ill met match with some hair clippers-1960's style-when I was reading a magazine about a population far far away that was starving. Little kids with rib cages like cages and corpses on streets amounting to not much more than a skeleton and on and on-the photos were black and white stark. I had a kids morbid fascination with hunger to death, all things dead, and people dying as they lived but I CAN CLEARLY REMEMBER, even to this day, reading commentary that proposed letting the people starve to death . . . that our planet was crowded enough and this was nature's way of cutting the weak. And now, once again, I read the same thoughts and rational on the Ebola hotlines. Contrast those ideas with the testimony of the health worker who discusses how her children are grown and she has nothing to lose and she must respond to a humanitarian need despite fears for her own safety and life. I know that I could never be that brave.
of the fence? Now I can see for miles and the trade winds
are strong.
And speaking of superheroes . . . so, discover for yourself why I am obssessed and moved to tears by the graphic novel of RECALL AND GIVEN. It should be easy for you to find, I am not going to provide links or any of that nonsense-just read about this comic. It is a story of love that knocks me off my feet. I can time travel with this one as well, remembering back to a solid couple of years dedicated to reading every comic and graphic novel I could get my hands on-back in the superhero days, back in the collecting days, back in the curl up and read days. Recall and Given. It is a beautiful thing. And moving right along to more beautiful things . . . rather than bemoan this odd time slip of NOT working two and three jobs at a time, working like an idiot, working too hard, and working hard enough to take my back out, for the MOST PART, I have had the time of my life visiting my beloved family, spending more time than ever with actual friends, spoiling the hell out of my dogs-yep, the hell is gone-, researching everything from "where are the survivor season one players now" to teaching jobs around the country, cake recipes during Mozart's lifetime to how to comfort an old dog, and watching old movies, bad reality, practicing my craft and sullen art, and READING. Mostly I have discovered, rediscovered (which is one of the gems about staying on the planet this long REdiscovering past loves) my first love in this life-READING. And as I told you last post, I have read my way through a brazillion cyber articles, 15 and counting books, and magazine articles by the dozens. For the first time in a decade I have moved my chess piece of "reading" from a drowsy half hour before passing out, to hours during the day-HOURS-outside on my front deck, in my back yard under the Totoro tree, and sitting up in bed with a huge mug of coffee.
For this thinking and reconnecting and forging and building time, unexpected, I am eternally grateful. Grateful to whom you might ask? Yes. That is a valid question. Type it in. Thousands have asked the same thing. Here is the path I am choosing and putting into practice right now: I am grateful to THE PEOPLE in my life. I am grateful for children that care enough to listen, friends that care enough to hunt me down, and strangers that care enough to share a bit of conversation. Under the great vast umbrella of gratitude deserving people I can feel myself remembering to find tenderness and humor and joy. "Being grateful" just wasn't enough for me . . . I have to know-grateful to whom? For what? And when I take an unknown out of the grateful equation and put in people that I know, it is powerful. Now the smallest exchange holds potential for worthy connection and the ordinary realism becomes magic. Magic Realism is the name of the place where I always want to live. Always.
buttercream with ginger and chocolate chips.
Happy First Day of Fall!
I guess what this mashup is attempting is a sort out, of sorts, of a brain packed with why can't we? and we must! and a virtual download of heartache over our mess of an existence, my gratitude for the people who care for me and love me and make my life wonderful, apprehension shading into anticipation of working times ahead-oh those theatre hours!!-and an all around treasure chest of a little girl with her teacup poodle walking on State, bike racks permanently mounted in the street of a city that can't be bothered to accomodate middle income, a man telling me that I smelled wonderful-better than the deli counter he was surrounded by, a guaranteed spot in this years Faeriefest-yes, seriously, I am the faerie cake baker!!, birds cuddling down much earlier and with no quieting of goodnights, a slight chill settling in, the promise of a new painting to grace the absolutely covered walls of my Pandora's box home, children busy in their own lives, Sancho still presiding over Command Central, my foor leggeds greeting me like the windups in Blade Runner, and one FINAL QUESTION which is one of my favorite and best mysteries so NO I won't google it and PLEASE do not tell me . . . but go back and look at my first two photos and you will know why I am enamoured of this one particular time every single evening when the SKY FADES TO WHITE!!! I am always walking around, my jackrabbit self, watching and wondering and trying to capture those moments and oh my goodness-why does the evening sky fade from blue to white? WHY THE WHITE?
And my sign off for this glorious day and night that will never come again? If you are one of my very special people, please know that I am grateful for all you have given, all we have shared and will share, and for the time we have spent together. My door is always open, my dogs are always barking rascals, I rarely have food and I don't drink wine, you will most likely find me buried deep in something either profound or absurd, but you are ALWAYS WELCOME to brave my Bohemian Paradise and ponder the big and small questions. Oh. And eat cupcakes. LOVE ALWAYS!!
No comments:
Post a Comment